Speaking with God from the Depths of the Heart

A

The voice of a sighing heart, its sobs and mournful cries,¹
I offer up to you, O Seer of Secrets,²
placing the fruits of my wavering mind ³
as a savory sacrifice on the fire of my grieving soul ⁴
to be delivered to you in the censer of my will.

Compassionate Lord, breathe in
this offering and look more favorably on it
than upon a more sumptuous sacrifice⁵
offered with rich smoke. Please find
this simple string of words acceptable.
Do not turn in disdain.

May this unsolicited gift reach you,
this sacrifice of words⁶
from the deep mystery-filled chamber
of my feelings, consumed in flames
fueled by whatever grace I may have within me.⁷

As I pray, do not let these
pleas annoy you, Almighty,
like the raised hands of Jacob,
whose irreverence was rebuked
by Isaiah,⁸ nor let them seem like the impudence
of Babylon criticized in the 72nd Psalm.

But let these words be acceptable
as were the fragrant offerings
in the tabernacle at Shiloh⁹
raised again by David on his return from captivity
as the resting place for the ark of the covenant,
a symbol for the restoration of my lost soul.

B

Because your stern judgment
echoes mightily in the valley of retribution,¹⁰
contradictory impulses in my soul
brace for battle like clashing mobs.
Crowds of thoughts strike each other, sword
against armor, evil against good,
ensnaring me for death, as in other times,
when your grace had not rescued me -
that grace of Christ, which Paul,
chosen among the apostles,
taught was greater than the law of Moses.¹¹

For as the Scripture says, "The day
of the Lord is upon us," ¹²
and in the narrow valley of Jehoshaphat ¹³
on the banks of the Kidron,¹⁴
those small battle grounds
foreshadow on earth
victory in the life to come.
Thus, the kingdom of God in a visible form
has come already, charging me
on truthful testimony with wrongs
graver than those of the Edomites,¹⁵
Philistines and other barbarians -
wrongs that brought down the hand of God.
And whereas their sentences were measured in years,
my transgressions will be punished without term.
As the prophet and the parable-teller warned,
the dungeon and shackles¹⁶
are already at my threshold to show me
here and now my eternal disgrace.

Only you can work the miracle
to make life possible for a soul
so imperiled by doubt,
O Atoner for all, exalted beyond saying
in your boundless glory on high
forever and ever.
Amen.